1. |
Burner
04:23
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pick up your phone and do something
put on your shoes and get in bed
they don't fit like they did yesterday, when was yesterday
pick up your phone i've been calling you
i've been doing hard time under my sheets
and no one wants to hear anything about it
they'll ask and they'll laugh around it, but I won't
it's all the same
the echoes roll in from last year, trying to get back where they came
i didn't notice
the void at my back til i caught the moment in the mirror
why put it out there
just keep your head down
why go out
wrap your arms around yourself
and from the fetal stage, what could i ever offer?
hold yourself and rock
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2. |
Giulia
05:08
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This latency
How often you check in
Complacency
Clinging like a child, oh
With frequency
Vision comes unaligned
Beats staying behind
You don't wanna go to her house
You don't want to
You don't care
Giulia
Uppercut your jaw
In college while
Leaning on the light post
Trauma, post-trauma, post-
Years and years and years ago
She's still trying to take you
You don't wanna go to her house
You don't want to
You don't care
You were hiding in the bathroom, together
You were hating on the bags under your eyes
You were looking in her shadows through the mirror when she asked
"do i need to buy makeup or a gun?"
You were falling on the sidewalk, together
You were pulling all your punches, no one stopped that night
You were looking into her mouth through the mirror when she asked
"are you gonna lie to me this time?"
you don't wanna you don't wanna you don't wanna you don't wanna
You don't wanna go to her house
You don't want to
You don't care
You don't wanna go to her house
You don't want to
You don't care
Anymore
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3. |
Haunt
04:56
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My love went back home for her thirst
An empty graveyard and turned earth
Shadows leered over her mother's shoulder
saying "Wait, and we will all go away when you get older"
But she wanted more, it was never enough
My love woke up to static in the night and eyes without a face
So she broke out of the house for the first time
Hungry photos and growls through the floor
She told me though she knew she was alone she could hear
"Wait, and you won't feel a thing when you get older"
But she wanted more, it was never enough
Every night, her mouth went dry calling out to the family that kept her in bed
But then the rain came so she got up and drove out to drink the water from the ground, take some lightning to the head
"No regrets" said the radio, but what does that mean when hate is witness, and you still have your mind?
My love knows more of dying than me
'Cause she didn't wait
There was no cover when she drove outside
Haunted by the rage of a whole countryside
And no matter what she wants, it's never enough
And it doesn't go away when you get older
Oh this feeling that all surfaces creak and groan
Under me
Buried
Not dead
Too late
Gone
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4. |
interlude
01:02
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5. |
Mess
04:26
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hey
what are you doing right now?
i just want you to come on over and make a mess of me
really
beat me to a pulp
strip me of my laurels and kick down my ideals
yeah you're good at that kind of work
you pull all my petals out
with your non-decision
i know that i'm asking but can this not be my fault this time?
i know that i'm asking for it, but can this not be mine anymore?
How else is this supposed to go?
How else is this supposed to go?
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6. |
First
06:01
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I've been passing
Looking okay from the outside
When they throw out a suggestion I duck and shuffle my feet
But they might notice
That this time it's different
I won't dodge the question, I'll just dance down the street
'Cause I've been gripping the edge of the sink,
Staring into the eyes in the mirror
Letting you yell about how I fuck up all the time on repeat
And you got so loud I couldn't call you out oh!
Party was next door but now it's coming to my house
Yeah you got so loud I couldn't call you out oh!
Party was next door but now it's coming to my house
And I've been sinking
Looking okay on the surface
I thought I had to drown to learn so I didn't speak
And they might notice
That this time it's different
I'll grab their hand and drag them dancing down the street
'Cause I was laying alone on the floor
Staring up at the ceiling
Wanting to add to the noise to keep you from cussing me out on repeat
'Cause there are no words for this
Until you say them
And you got so loud I couldn't get them out oh!
Party was next door but now it's coming to my house
Yeah you got so loud I couldn't call you out oh!
Party was next door but now it's coming to my house
...
Here we go here we go here we go here we go here we go here we go
That was the first time I saw the smoke in my grip and I didn't take a hit
That was the first time I held the battle in my hand and I didn't swallow it
That was the first time I had a sharp knife and I didn't want to point it in the mirror
I didn't run away, I didn't make the cut, I didn't eat it
I did nothing
I did nothing
I did nothing
Oh my god
There are no words for this
Until you say them.
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7. |
Red
07:40
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Burned then buried
Hurried endlessly through eternities
I thought I had to
Mirrors in everyone's eyes
Looking for ways I kept falling behind
Why haven't I been pinned up on the bulletin with all the rest of the specimen?
Am I not delicate enough?
I was caught between one and the other, and there was no way out
Up on the hillside, or lying underground
But I'll roll the stone a little more
Crackling porcelain
Every wound is open, but no evidence
What was taken?
Fear was what got me to try
But stone nor steel could keep it inside
No display of raging war would stay onstage, years of struggling under streetlights
Bled me dry
I was caught between one and the other, and there was no way out
Up on the hillside, or lying underground
But I'll roll the stone a little more
I don't know how I fell, but all along I already knew
Beauty cannot be bloodless, it just didn't look true
'Cause I was taught that I wanted to be dying all the time
But all I learned was that all my worth was not in my blood or life
But in the birth of winter before the morning light
I kissed the earth and thanked her for bearing me til I came back
I picked myself off the floor
Rolled the stone from the door
And by the time the sun was high the light lapped all around the path I walked
And it never was so red
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Lily Desmond New York
Lily Desmond is a screaming violinist making sure everyone has a good time.
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